we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
