every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
