Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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