So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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