just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
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