chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
