Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You took a bar mat shot.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
