I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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