Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Randomize
