she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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