So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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