Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Randomize
