i think my mom watched the whole time
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
