:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
