Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
