I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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