Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
