I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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