I just cut my nipple shaving
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
