I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My vagina is officially offended.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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