yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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