like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
