I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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