i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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