tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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