He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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