covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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