there's paper in my vomit.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
