If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
