Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
