If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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