420 ftw
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
