she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
