ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
