So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
These tits shall not be calmed
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
