Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
