Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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