I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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