I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
