once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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