did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
