I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
