...so i touched it.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
