as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
