Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
