Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
