I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
