so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
bring money and cleavage
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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