Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
