The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
