no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
